English Major Reflections

As you can expect from someone taking two English classes in one semester for the first time, I have become exhausted from my heavy reading load. This weekend I have to write two response papers, followed by more response papers (2-3 pages), short papers (4-6 pages), and two 10 page papers over the course of the semester. But as the Chinese symbol indicates, the yin (white) and yang (black) balance each other out. Writing is very time consuming, but I do well when I start early and spend a lot of time editing, which results in the satisfaction when I get a good grade on my paper.

Although I sometimes wonder what I've gotten myself into when I'm faced with a heavy reading load, I honestly feel that English is the best major for me and could not see myself in any other. For the first time in my life, I'm in love with what I'm studying, mainly because I want, not have to study my subject. I look back and wonder why I was a psych major for as long as I was, as I really struggled with my intro psych class and would have had to take classes I did not enjoy . I fell in love with English from day one of my intro to lit class, and now wonder why I didn't make the change sooner. However, I'm glad I made the change before I got too far into psych classes, and as a psych minor, I can take any psych classes I want.

Back in September, I wrote about how I was worried I would make the wrong choice when I was thinking about changing my major. Four months later, I'm a happy gal with classes I enjoy, interactions with like-minded literary peeps, fabulous professors (including an advisor I love), and amazing opportunities outside of the classroom (NUCL, Writer's magazine, English Society, and possibly being a writing assistant next year!). I feel so alive when I'm in my classes, thanks to great discussions, crazy but amazing professors, and being able to enjoy what I study. When I feel overwhelmed, I immediately think about everything I love about English.

"I think I can, I think I can" will turn into "I knew I could, I knew I could" come April (The Little Engine that could)"

Right now, everything feels so fast paced. Exciting and scary. One moment I'm loving English, having an awesome time with my friends or BF, and enjoying being on my own. The next moment, things feel scary because I'm going to be 20 in a little less than a week, and it's starting to it me that I'm almost halfway done with college. Geez...it seemed like just yesterday I arriving on campus for Orientation. I feel like I'm running away from everything that I knew and toward the feeling of being on my own and being able to decide for myself what I want to do. At the same time, everything feels scary, and am afraid that I won't be able to make it.

"Seems like nothing is black and white anymore. Shades of gray and I feel the weight over my shoulder. Kind of tough getting older. Always thought that I knew where I want to go. Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder. It's tough getting older" (Older, Colbie Callait)

"I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming. There's a voice inside my head, saying 'you'll never reach it.' Every step I'm taking. Every move I'm make feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking. But I--I gotta keep trying. Got to keep my head held high. There's always gonna be another mountain. I'm always gonna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb." (The Climb, Miley Cyrus)

Anyways, sorry to bore y'all. Just had a lot to say.